Sometimes i think i m not really under any emotional pressure or impression. It seems that i have a so hard heart but it is not about that. i dont know why i cant get deep and strict releations with the people or objects like the others do. But i realised that i am like a piece of rock sometimes when i face some sad conditions. I am not saying for all sad conditions but i m very calm and reactionless over the unexpected conditions. Our bird survivor (a.k.a. the gush/nameless) has died today in my hands. he was shaking and couldnt get to use his legs. he only could a weak try to fly which he wasnt so good at but that was all. didnt wanna eat or drink some water. meanwhile he was very good in the morning and i dont know what happened but he was like he was paralised.
Anyways we were together for last 3 years and nearly i was always feeding him but that was all i never tried to get an emotion to him and i never did one of those jibirish talks to him. now he is dead and laying on the floor of his cage death i have no intense or lightly feeling about him. rest in peace survivor, this time you couldnt survive but u deserved this name afterall.
i hope i wont have this feeling over people too someday. I felt bad about feeling nothing after a lost and i bet this would be a heavier feeling if that wasnt a bird.
rest in peace survivor.
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